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Lieutenant Worf Mows My Lawn for $10/Week
Tuesday, February 10, 2009 by scott


I have succeeded in a Gizmodo Photoshop contest using my masterful photo-shopping skills!

Observe and click to enlarge:

The realism is so great that were I not to
have warned you that this is fake, you might
have genuine concern for Lt. Worf's career choices!

Now I have a contest of my own! The reader to post the most insightful comment to this article will receive this special commemorative keyboard:

Offer not valid.

So please, try to frame your comment in as rational and useful a manner as possible!
(72 to 159)
  I'll admit
  I'll admit you have succeeded. To bore me yet again. The keyboard was a nice touch though.
  Wednesday, February 11, 2009 by brendan
  Wesley washes my back for free
  I gave you a point for the keyboard. Not for the self degradation, for the amount of time it must have taken to pry the keys off and rearrange them. Inanity requiring effort should always be encouraged.
  Wednesday, February 11, 2009 by David Thorne
  I took off a point. Another lame attempt at humour. Please try harder Scott.

Please watch The King of Comedy staring Robert De Niro as pathetic, wannabe comedian Rupert Pupkin.
  Wednesday, February 11, 2009 by Dicklock apparently
  Crackerbarrel of fun?
  @brendan: Awwww.. Ah booshy booshy booshy.. ::gives bottle::

@David Thorne Himself: You miscalculate yet again! The keyboard was a prank upon a co-worker and I did not re-arrange the keys. The net result of the prank was quite humorous and resulted in an enquiry by Human Resources.

@Dicklock obviously: You again! If I see you post anything about The King of Comedy again I will remove it from all of your posts as spam. I believe this is the fourth time you have suggested that I watch the movie. If you can't think of anything original to say then please throw your keyboard out the window and await my shipping of a second prize to you.
  Wednesday, February 11, 2009 by scott
  Funniest thing you've written Scott. I'd give you back a point for your response, but I can't, so I won't.

What is a Dicklock anyway?
  Thursday, February 12, 2009 by Dicklock apparently
  ripped off?

Wow. Such originality.

This site blows...
  Friday, February 13, 2009 by Erica
  @Erica: You are saying .. what?

That I ripped off David's showing of a Photoshop job of himself by Lucius?

As Lucius is the first and only one to ever Photoshop any image onto another I am not surprised that you caught me ripping him off. In fact I'm surprised that no one realized it sooner. And as David is the first one to ever write an article about someone Photoshopping something onto something else then David Thorne himself should sue me immediately in order to have me remove my obvious plagiarism from my site.

Thank you for calling this to everyone's attention.

PS - If you'd intended to include a URL to a different page of David's wherein he created a picture of Lt. Worf mowing a lawn then I will concede that you are the best internet detective.
  Friday, February 13, 2009 by scott
  Define success
  You say you succeeded in the contest. Do you mean succeeded in entering the contest? I checked gizmodo and your entry is damn far down on the list. You didn't place in this contest, so I'm wondering how you consider it a success?

Inquiring minds want to know Scunt.
  Friday, February 13, 2009 by Mike the Timewaster
  Is not funny doot mun
  Uncle Bubba sat on Mamma Tikka's lap doot. She went as red as a beetroot mun. He'sa not laffing at this one doot. He'sa watin for a big laff mun.
  Monday, February 16, 2009 by Uncle Bubba
  This bothers me
  I am also no CSI-douchebag but "This site best when viewed on a screen using eyes" has to surely be a lie. I feel this site is best when viewed through a smoke screen using pinhole eyes. The image perceived would be far superior.

(Iam off to kill myself now as on re-reading this i've realised my joke is almost as crap as one of yours).

  Tuesday, February 17, 2009 by Priceless Coral
  Wasting time with Mike
  I'd love to
  Tuesday, February 17, 2009 by Priceless Coral
  I play a CSI expert on TV
  After much analysis of the situation, my years of playing a CSI expert on TV has led to one final conclusion: There is no difference between David Thorne and chicks with dicks.
(sorry for showing up late to the party scott, I had this thing in Hong Kong, (check that IP bitch!). Oh man, my writing style is similar to yours, some random useless idiots from down under might accuse me of being you, which is ridiculous because you couldn't write all this wonderful content and play Gil on CSI at the same time.)
  Thursday, February 19, 2009 by William Petersen
  k3yb0ard is soooo l33t!!!!!
wh3r3 c@n 1 g3t th@t l33t k3yb0@rd?!? 1 n33d it. 1'll p1ss 1n d@v1d t0rns's t0rn @-h0le. 1t's t0rn b/c th3 b\ 1n h1s w33 lil' @ss g0t t0rn s1d3w@ys. pl33s3 pl33s3 pl33s3 s@y 1 w1n!! 1 h@v3 a lvl 80 n1ght 3lf hunt3r - th3r th3 b3st3st! th@t k3yb0@rd w1ll l3t m3 pwn f@c3.
(scott, this is a really lame war. that torn guy is an idiot and so are his friends. what you been up to man, besides picking fights with kangaroo-fuckers?)
  Thursday, February 19, 2009 by mrm0nk3y
  Now, now..
  @Mike the Twatwaster: I was shown on the thing. They don't order the submissions by goodness after the first 3, but they get a lot more submissions than they put in the gallery. My goal was to get the photo on their thing. Hence, success!

@Uncle Bubba: Are you trying to be Jamaican, or just racist? Idiot.

@Priceless Coral: Your use of my color-name is some kind of infringement. Don't infringe. No one likes you.

@Willy Petersen: Yes, you have hit the nail on the head with that analysis. For example, it is David Thorne in a wig at the top of his site.

Hah, your IP doesn't say Hong Kong, but it does imply that your traffic could be routed from most anywhere.. So I have no doubt!

@mrm0nk3y: Man, I haven't see l33t speak like that since 1995. So I announce that you have won the keyboard! Everyone else may stop posting and go fuck themselves.

(I know, but they have to fuck kangaroos at cause of their unattractive human females. I will draw conclusions on your gmail email!)
  Thursday, February 19, 2009 by scott
  Is Freinds of Scotty Not Funny Too
  Uncle Bubba went to see Mr Poppasokalu doot. He say scotty posting as fake freinds to look moore like is popular mun. Scotty not writing much now mun.
  Thursday, February 19, 2009 by Uncle Bubba
  Uncle Fucktard
  @ Are you from London, or Retardington?
  Thursday, February 19, 2009 by scott
  I don't have opposable thumbs and I can still write more interesting articles than you.

you are a very boring and unnecessary blot on the landscape of humanity.

I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire.

Shit belongs in the garden. Please take a shovel outside and bury yourself.

Love and kisses,

  Friday, February 20, 2009 by Jemima Puddle-Duck II
  z0mg, s0 1 w@s s0 t0t@ll33 3xc1t3d wh3n 1 f0und 0ut 1 w0n th3 3133t k3yb0@rd th@t 1 p1ss3d mys3lf!!
(so hong kong is a blast, such cheap electronics, it's ridiculous! (by the way, this wierd battle you have going on is completely hilarious. you call out some douche's bullshit website (which he takes very seriously (seriously)), and then he tries to rag on your bullshit website, not realizing you know you have a bullshit website.))
y0ur w3bs1t3 1s s0 l33t, 1t's 3733t.
  Friday, February 20, 2009 by mrm0nk3y
  Further Analysis
  So upon further analysis of Mr. Torndick's website, I have come to the conclusion that he is a homosexual. Posting pictures of naked men with photoshop writing (which after further analysis in our fake CSI lab, we have irrefutably concluded that he did, in fact, photoshop some, if not all of the photos on his website) shows a certain disconnect from reality. The desire to have men want him is a fantasy world where it's ok for him to be a homosexual. Latent homosexual tendencies can, if not released from the exploitation of photoshopped naked men, can turn into violent and unpredictable outbursts in the form of excessive masturbation (See "Beat my dick like it owes me money" by Oscar the Grouch). One can not blame Mr. Torndick for this condition, one can only hope that for his sake, he comes out of the closet and finally realizes who he is. Society is much more excepting and tolerant of homosexuals and his walking the line of homosexuality, pseduo-metrosexuality, is only hurting himself. So please Mr. Torndick, release that hidden pent up sexual desire for cock - if not for yourself, then do it for the children.
  Friday, February 20, 2009 by Sigmund Freud
  You are so sad
  Nobody is commenting much on here since David Thorne got bored of you so you have been writing your own comments and posting under different names hey. You really are a pathetic mess. Unfunny, untalented AND unsuccessful. Keep writing those comments Scotty, they are lame so we can tell it's you but at least it keeps you busy. Peace out Dude. Watch some tv or something.
  Saturday, February 21, 2009 by Carter
  You said that you were writing a completely unrelated topic next but then you fill your comments section with comments written by yourself about David Thorne. Is it because you had a taste of his popularity and you crave more? Can't move on?

I noticed you must have done a search for him and written in every comments section you could find begging people to visit your site. I also notice you have changed the 'good hits' well up again. Makes them kind of pointless. I thought they were meant to be about public opinion, not just yours.

Just face it, David Thorne is funny, you are not. Stop flogging a dead horse. Move on. It will be ok Scott. Have you thought of taking up a hobby? I am sure there must be something you are good at. This isn't it.
  Saturday, February 21, 2009 by Mandy
WHY YOU?????/???!?/?

  Saturday, February 21, 2009 by disapointed (Grant Budge)
  Trolls and hags
  @Jemima: And your fat syrup-filled ass belongs in a land fill. Log Cabin is the money syrup.

@mrm0nk3y: Get one of those camera spy pens if you see one there. Those look like they have 1,001 uses.

Seriously. It's totally 3733+, these people have no idea.

@Heir Freud: Your analysis is excellent. It is a shame that the ponces here will think you're me.

@Carter: If it doesn't say "scott" under it, it's not my comment. I don't really care what you think, but amusingly I doubt that Carter is your real name. You're probably just Mandy, or Mandy and you are just a third person. Either way, you're both douches.

@Mandouchey: Uh, you have it right. Completely unrelated topics. I haven't mentioned Thorne since those posts about him like 3 weeks ago, except in response to someone else's comment wherein they brought his name up. You're the one harping on him, not me. In fact, you've probably talked about him more than I have. So go back to his site, troll his comments section, and offer to suckle his asshole. It'll probably taste good to someone like yourself.

And when exactly did you "happen to notice" those posts? Is that your hobby, doing searches for people you one day hope to screw when you lose that last 300 pounds (that's 2700 kilometers, BTW)?

Oh, and the votes haven't been touched, except when I got vote-spammed by one person (that was almost a month ago). Too bad for you, but some people actually do like my site. In fact (since you brought him up) most of those negative votes are from D.T. sycophants like yourself, based upon referrals in HTTP headers.


@Mandouchey: You're so fat, they call it "Down Under" because you sunk it.
  Saturday, February 21, 2009 by scott
  fat jokes? news lows scott.
  Monday, February 23, 2009 by brendan
  is it worth it?
  is it even worth it to check out torndick's website? just wondering.

I mean....

s0 1'm s3rf1ng th3 n3t @nd th3 m@tr1x h@d m3, @nd m3 d1ck w@s s0r3 fr0m pr0n - th3 0nly c00r3 w@s d1ckt0rn's w3bs1te, but 1 r3f00s3 cuz my boy sc0tty s@ys s0.
  Monday, February 23, 2009 by mrm0nk3y
  email me b1atch
  3m@1l m3! 0r 1 s3nd y0u l33t haxzorz 1n the gu1s3 0f pr0n.
  Monday, February 23, 2009 by mrm0nk3y
  Can anyone understand what "mrm0nk3y" is actually saying? Im not sure if im out of touch, but is that the new way of writing on the net? Sort of a "Arial-Wanker" font? Or is it just he's using a key board thats been molested by Scot like in the picture above?
  Thursday, February 26, 2009 by Ash via Australia
  He is "pretending" to be making use of scotts shitty keyboard. he and scott appear to be having a repartee about porn. Obviously, they are great guys, the pair of them.
  Friday, February 27, 2009 by brendan
  (so hong kong is a blast, such cheap electronics, it's ridiculous!

I mean, really.
  Friday, February 27, 2009 by brendan
  I retract my earlier comment. It appears this is actually a way of communicating between scott and his boyfriend/girlfriend/dog.
  Friday, February 27, 2009 by brendan
  Mintdrag you ruined my life long dreams of becoming a professional scientist!
Now every day I mourn over how many years have been WASTED!
13 years of grade school and 30 years of college!
Now I just lie here in agony over my horrible and wretched life.
  Friday, February 27, 2009 by dicklock
  ewww omg!
  lyke how old r u nyway?
dat is leik so qross of u to lyk watch porn n shit ya kno?
srsly, my step dad stopped doin dat in lek high skool
u r fukin creepy!!
ewwww git away frum meeeeeeeeeeEEeEe!!1
  Friday, February 27, 2009 by ~alishia~~
  What a great website
  Wow, what a great websight you have here Scott. I love all your funny cartoons and amusing annecdotes.

What's really fantastic is that the comments section actually works.
  Wednesday, March 04, 2009 by Matt
  Im am sorry but your peace just did not have enough humor. You seemed so excited about actually photoshopping an image in a bearly competent manner that you felt compelled to share it with your readers/hecklers. You then preceeded to parlay the photoshopped image into a contest where you give away a humorous keyboard originally used in an office prank. While the keyboard is quite funny i am afraid that it does not carry the day. I believe a little more thought and content could have gardnered a more positive result.

  Thursday, March 05, 2009 by Doo Doo Magoo (skela)
  After a cursory glance at this...
  blog, I find the most entertaining asspect to be your apparent compulsion to reply to nearly each and every comment. Gasping at each potential opening for a terrible joke like a drowning man clawing for air, but not nearly as funny.

I'm reminded of the denizens of comic book shops I have met in my life. So confident in their own hilarity, yet so obvious to their oh-so-obvious-to-others crippling social retardation.

So can you do it? Can you not respond to a comment? If you refrain, you'll earn a modicum of respect and the first step on the road to normalcy.
  Thursday, March 19, 2009 by Admiral Dillhole
  Why not a rank higher than admiral?
  @Admiral Dillhole: Very amusing. You address a comment to me, and then beg me not to respond.

You accuse me of being of-the-type to frequent comic book stores, yet you have a great familiarity with them yourself. You accuse me of being unfunny, and then present no humor of your own.

You are truly a dillhole (whatever that may be) of contradiction, and I admire that! We should bathe together and then take a slow walk down a nude beach. You will wear a loin-cloth, embarrassed by your misshapen manhood as you are, and I will hold your hand; compassionately guiding you so as your head does not hit the ground, helmet-less as you will be!

Oh the joy and semi-sorrow of a time never visited!
  Friday, March 20, 2009 by scott
  I'm ashamed to admit I'm Australian when i observe the maturity levels displayed by a couple of the Aussies posting here and I regard myself as a completely childish 24 year old at times.

Though I will say that you do tend to lower yourself to their level at points Mr. Mintred.

I'm a fan of David Thorne's site, regardless of its legitimacy - it's witty, original and well written in most parts.

Scott, whilst your material is not as witty i admit that I find it appealing and i do enjoy reading some of your posts.
I'm especially a fan of the flame-wars that are started in some of the Thorne comments, pure gold!

Anyhow, what it comes down to is that you're putting your thoughts on the net and it can take a lot of guts to do that.
If people don't like it they don't have to read it and though I admit some of the comments and//or complaints are well-structured (as are some of your retorts) i honestly don't think some of these people should be flaming as viciously as they have been - especially if they've never written an online blog.

Keep it up :)

edit; I would just like to point out that I love comics//comic book stores and most other things that are classed as geeky and *Drumroll* - I actually have a life and consider myself to be a tad humorous (in a sick, perverted kinda way) also.

Sorry to bust your theory up, Admiral ;)
  Tuesday, April 07, 2009 by danosaur
  the wiener
  notice the the guy who won was the dude who fellated scoot the most with his post.

So all i have to do is say you're great and bash thorne better then the leetspeek fuckmook, and I win? when's the next contest?
  Wednesday, August 05, 2009 by david is funny
  My cat could photoshop better than that. Is your boring/sad self for real?
  Friday, August 21, 2009 by Jennnnn
  @danosaur: Ah. Thank you for the bonding attempt, as I read it many months later. I did nearly vomit in my mouth. It tasted like semen.

I am not real, hence did not use any of my "guts" to put this crap on the internet. It's all anonymous, and a random crap-fest of certain things that I find amusing. _Certain_ things. Please, go through every posting and figure out how often I even visit my own site.

The flame wars are great though, thanks for putting yourself out there. Took guts.
  Monday, December 21, 2009 by Scott
  David Thorne
  Whatever you think of David Thorne, he is the reason you're getting so many hits and comments.

You're even a best-bet search on google now.

Enjoy, chillax and sell advertising. (Especially if it is true about your wife and all her jobs)

PS: Your blog really sucks
  Thursday, January 28, 2010 by Dave B
  You have the slowest site in history.
  You have the slowest site in history.

I've had and fixed site outages in the time it takes your server to serve a single page with just some text and one image on it.

Also, why does it say "leave a comment, dicklock" at the top of the comment form?
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Matt
  Wow. What a pathetic way of saying "Whoever gives me the best compliment gets an imaginary reward!" Instead of your childish self-validation, why don't you try to achieve a REAL goal? Like getting a girlfriend, or moving out of your mom's basement.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Grady RIchards
  hey there
  you fucking suck. Go eat something poisonous and die alone in your moms basement.

David Thorne
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by David Thorne
  You Sir Need Help
  Your website is a large pile of shit.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Wow
  What is with the lame use of Microsoft voice on this? Keep up the good work buddy. You might stumble upon something humorous if you persevere.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by David Lockhart
  shitty ass website of yours
  wow dude. your "witty sarcasm" sucks the pig fat right out of your moms dirty arse hole. i'll admit the keyboard was kind of funny. not as funny as david of course. it's real fun fighting for david. think of some funny shit to write on here not just this stupid bullshit.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by ray the finkle
  Wow, just wow,
  Ok, that's bad. how do you get away with this sort of crap?
My collegue Amir does some pretty weird stuff, but at least he's funny. people say my thing with LOTR is over the top, but you have a problem with your space shit.
That photoshop is pathetic, btw, not even your keyboard can even start to make this look like a comic site. I some how managed to get on this site, and it looks like a fourth grader has just been told how to make and edit a website, and has ripped apart his father's formal site. what is up with that color?

if you want real humour, look at collegehumor. enough said.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Jake Hurwitz
  ..your website is brown. seriously?
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Veeeoh
  HAHA awsome post, i find your humour to be very intelectual and it doesnt surpise me that these numbskulls cant see it. Keep up the good work it is extremely entertaining!
  Wednesday, September 29, 2010 by Liam
  Always missing Scott
  Just wanted to say we all liked you Scott alot more at high school when we could 'censor' your mind-fuck ,annoying dribble by making you wear your 'Atomic wedgie' daily, rendering your flailing arms useless and unable to access a keyboard.
You've had quite a few 'new ones' torn, which I'm sure your multiple boyfriends appreciate...
Ah, miss u Scott, good times.....

And by the way-
This site best when viewed on a screen using 'anyone elses' eyes ,just not your own.
  Wednesday, September 29, 2010 by Big Mike

My True Story (45)
Public Service Announcements on.. (-11)
How President Bush Works (-16)
People's View on Humor (-19)
The Titty Mongrel (-19)
"All in a Day's Rebuttal" (-21)
Inappropriate Cartoons (-21)
Tap Dancing (-21)
Naming Glasscock Road (-22)
Trump Steaks are Here! (-22)

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