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scottmintred.com

Mintdog is Also Unacceptable
Wednesday, April 11, 2007 by scott

 
I am not a fan of dogs. Those fiesty felines do nothing but make a mess and crap everywhere.

Sure, you can train a dog to crap in your backyard or on the street, but that is hardly the optimum solution. You have sacrificed your life to the cause of picking up poop!

A dog is a feces machine. You must pay for the food. Your money goes into the dog's mouth. Poop comes out. It is a simple equation.

If you do not believe me, observe my analysis on the subject of dog ownership. If I want a constant companion, I will get married and also make human friends. My fiancee is fairly adept as using a toilet, as are my friends. Also, I do not always have to pay to feed them.

So, you can imagine my distress when I found that there may be a dog named Mintred. Of course, it may not be named that, but this picture leaves an ambiguous impression at best:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonbarnett/287307707/

I attempted to email the picture's owner, but he did not respond in the roughly 18 hours that have elapsed since. Maybe we will never hear his side of the story. I grant him a proper audience, however, should he respond in the future.

I have nothing against this man owning a dog, mind you! I back his freedom to own a dog like I back my car out of a parking spot. Very speedily and without looking.

If this man wishes to pay good money for feces, who am I to stop him? He may appear foolish in my eyes, sure, but to other dog-owners he looks wise. It is the mystery of perception.

If his dog is younger than 8 years old (the time since I have been using "MintRed") I will ask him to kindly alter his dog's name. It is not such that he must choose an ugly name to replace it (e.g. "Archibalt Rumphetter XIV"), but nothing too similar to MintRed either. "Redmint", "Mintmaroon", or "Mintyjones" would all be unacceptable.

I await his response...

Update, same day

The man has responded. He seems to indicate that his dog is not, in fact, named Mintred. See my email and his his explanation:

From: Scorpion Mint Red
To: XXXXX@yahoo.com
Subject: Is your dog named Mintred?

I observe from your photo, located thusly, that your dog may be named Mintred:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonbarnett/287307707/

I hope that is not the case! For you see, it would be offensive to me as I am not a dog.

Perhaps I should view it as an honoriffic, but I am not so inclined.

Now you may observe the tormenting criticisms that were heaped upon the last person to tangle with the Mintred name:

http://www.mintred.com/article/103/these_foul_theives/

And so it goes..

Awaiting Your Elaborate Reply,

Scott


From: XXXXX@yahoo.com
To: Scorpion Mint Red
Subject: Re:Is your dog named Mintred?

my dogs name is Miss Mint which is short for Peppermint. The photo is red . mintred.


Not exactly the elaborate reply I was waiting for, but there you have it. A seemingly rational explanation for the usage of Mintred. And a seemingly embarassing name for a dog. I hope his wife or kids made it up, as it is unfit for a man to call.
     
Rating
-22
(38 to 60)
  FOOL!
  It IS an elaborate response you foolhardy troglodyte!

If read backwards, "my dogs name is Miss Mint which is short for Peppermint. The photo is red . mintred." reads as:

Fuck you, you asshole! I have discovered and recorded your home and work locations via your IP address! I will wait for you and slaughter you and MY dog named MINT RED will feast on your entrails!

Doi!

  Monday, April 16, 2007 by Gigglesaurus Rex, NOT Jordan
  uh.
  Dumbass. That doesn't help anyone at all.
  Monday, April 16, 2007 by scott
  I am sorry
  I apologize to the above poster for saying that his post was unhelpful. I suffer from antisocial disorders and they make me leave antagonistic comments regarding intelligent people.

Please, accept my humble apologies and furthermore, wish me luck in my seemingly never ending quest to become a more functional member of this fragile society.
  Wednesday, April 18, 2007 by Jordan (pretending to be Scott)
  you
  not funny
  Saturday, January 31, 2009 by shelley the Unclever Bitch
  Scott is a fool
  The reply is the funniest thing I have read on this site. Such arrogance, shut down with a single line.I laughed.
  Tuesday, February 03, 2009 by Anon
  Am I missing something...?
  Since when is a dog a feline?
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by ManBearPig
  Dumbass.
  @ManBearPig: That is the most retarded question I've ever seen coming from a user with a name like "ManBearPig". I'm so super serial about that.
  Thursday, February 05, 2009 by scott
  Moo...
  Good comeback scott. You're super humour skills have me rolling on the ground in laughter once again. Thank you for sharing the good gift of comedy once more.
  Thursday, February 12, 2009 by ManBearPig
  I still don't get it.
  Since when are dogs are felines?
  Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Chalkboard
  Shame on u scott
  WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM ????WHY DO U WANT TROUBLE POOR PEOPLE AND THEIR DOG????ITS THEIR CHOICE..HOW DARE U TELL THEM,WHAT ITS NAME SHOULD BE????....and plzzz...The dogs name suits it...THey should be asking to change your name,as you are insulting their dog...why dont u change your name to tommy or butch or some thing like dat??....and that mintred.be thing ,was equally lame..u r insulting yourself,doing all this...
  Friday, October 02, 2009 by sachin
  I'll have your dog for breakfast
  @ManBearPig: Im gl'ad 'I' c'ould h'elp.

@Chalkboard: They are not, and have never been, felines.

@sachin: I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that English is a fourth language for you. I commend you on your near-mastery of it. I could not write in, let's say, Russian at all.

To address your questions in the order in which you've asked them:

1) I do not like dogs, and most especially those dogs carrying my name. That was the essence of the problem.

2) It amuses me. In fairness, I do not think that it caused any trouble for the dog.

3) I dare tell them in the exact manner that I've shown above. Please read more carefully.

4) Although I like the name Tommy, I don't think it suits me. Butch would have some comic effect, I grant, but I'm not willing to go that far for comedy.

Also, those are first names in most English-speaking countries. I was objecting to the use of my surname by that dog, and so would have no need to change my first name in the scenario that you've outlined.
  Thursday, October 15, 2009 by scott
  sad
  Reading this, I get the feeling that I'm witnessing someone's slow, inexorable descent into mental illness. If you'll excuse me, now, I need to go start a foundation.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Mark R
  Boring
  You are so boring, you attempt to write Victorian style humor, but use curse words to make it (in your mind, modern). I've skimmed your site for the past 15 minutes and not one thing has been funny. I mean you are really fucking boring...
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by mike
 
  It's funny that you think so much of yourself that you would argue a dog being "named" after you, but you are so lowly and foolish that you jump to the conclusion it was named after you in the first place. I agree with the one who said it before: that response was the funniest thing that's ever been posted on this site. You, however, are not funny and none of your posts are funny. Your complete failure at being funny is quite funny, but we're definitely not laughing with you.
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Grady Richards
  Cats!
  Oh scotty, felines are cats not dogs you silly sausage!
  Tuesday, September 28, 2010 by Alastair
  Ummmmm....
  A dog is a canine, not a feline as you stated in the opening paragraph. Idiot.
  Wednesday, September 29, 2010 by



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