Three reasons I am not wearing rubber pants right now.

Three reasons I am not wearing rubber pants right now.

One. Rubber pants are not comfortable to wear.

I thought I should get this one out of the way immediately. I want there to be no confusion on this issue; If it is not evident to you that wearing rubber pants -- in any circumstances whatsoever -- is uncomfortable, then you are a moron, and probably cannot read anyway. You sit in your trailer all day eating flies off your day-old cheese-friend. Also, you are completely useless.

Even wearing rubber pants in a swamp is unreasonable. True, your legs might not be immediately encased in lichen and vines of a wide variety, but you will be horribly uncomfortable. If you are standing waist deep in a swamp, your case is lost regardless. I don't care what your pants are made of.

Two. My legs would squeak whilst I walk.

This is plainly unacceptable. Let's say for argument's sake that the Prime Minister of Japan wore rubber pants. Even then, what with him walking in a dignified way and all, the pants would emit an unreasonable amount of noise. Pants should be silent. This is a requirement for any pants at all. Rubber pants by their very nature cannot be made silent, except when no one is wearing them.